you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
