As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
