i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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