marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
