so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
