Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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