I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
