then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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