I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
