somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
