I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
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