Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
