dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
