My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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