Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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