Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
i now understand why vodka
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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