he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
