I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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