I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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