wrigley field is MILF paradise
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
