all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
