i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
