I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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