I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
