If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
