You made me cry and you don't even care
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
