Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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