Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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