Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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