Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
