Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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