THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
