Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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