Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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