just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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