remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
