nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
