and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
