I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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