It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
