is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
