I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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