I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
