Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
