As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
