Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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