I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
