Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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