o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Be still, my beating vagina.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
