The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
this hospital has no fireball
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
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